more about mama

so i guess ill keep writing about mom. not really sure what to do with everything rattling around in my head in regards to her.

so ill just pick up where i left off. again i am documenting this for me and my family. but feel free to read along.

so my grandmother fell and broke her hip and was not able to make it up to see my mom. she had planned up come up and see her after her surgery but once she got injured that was no longer an option. the frustration began to set in with me at this point because as i looked around the room to see the people that were there to see my mom NO ONE from our side of the family was there. no one.

we have a very small family as it is, me, my mom, her 2 brothers, 2 cousins and my grandmother. my grandfather died a while ago and like most heads of the family once he was gone our family traditions slowly fell apart. we used to always go to savannah for every holiday. st pats, thanksgiving, christmas. all of them were spent at my grandparents house. so there arent many family members to go around ya know.

so grandma couldnt come up. my mom couldnt have her mom with her while she was in the hospital.

so on the 5th mom was doing ok and then on the 11th things started to go south. i had been out to see her on the 10th and had just gotten home and had spent the day with maggie. my dad called and said that her doctor had just been in and that they were going to move her to another room a step back up not ICU but right under that as far as treatment. and her doctor said that if things didnt get better in a few days she probably wouldnt make it. so i went into survival mode i guess, i freaked out a bit and panicked. my sweet neighbor took my kids to the pool, my step son went home and i just sat and cried, so scared. not ready, not ready for her to go. frustrated that her recovery wasnt going according to plan, why was she experiencing all of this swelling. WHAT HAPPENED!? the doc that did her surgery said it went fine, she did great and that all we had to do was attack the other tumors with radiation and we had probably 6 months to a year left. but that didnt happen, her brain started to swell, her epiglottis, wasnt working so anything that went into her mouth, went into her lungs.

so i sat at my house alone and just cried.

i went to bed that night not really sure what to do and then at 5 am christian woke me up and said my dad had called and i needed to get to the hospital. this was on the 12th. so i flew to the hospital all the while praying for her to please just wait for me. i was so afraid that she would die before i got there.

to be continued....