11 parenting lessons

a friend of mine put this on facebook and it is too funny and too true not to share. and to think i am about to add to this two fold next tuesday!!

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

dilemma

long rant ahead! need advice.

God has blessed me with the most free spirited, funny, daredevil, emotional, deviant, loving girl i could have even imagined. today is such a perfect example of who she is.

we had a staff meeting today where we were ending our staff ping pong tournament. one of the weekday teachers was in the finals so the older kids came up to watch.

bug was sitting with me on the front row watching the game. various background music was being played during the games. party in the usa came on. well for those of you who do not yet know this, my bug is already obsessed with miley cyrus. she LOVES that song. so she looked at me and i set her down thinking she would dance a little in front of the chair. i should have known better.

she immediatly went into about 4-5 back to back summersaults that ended right at the ping pong table. no care at all to the game that was going on. i was laughing so hard i was crying! i moved her over to the side of the room away from the game and her buddy luke came over to dance with her. finally the music went off (which is a good thing!!!) and we sat back down. the entire rest of the game she asked me for that song again so she could dance.

when the game was over her class had to leave and she cried the entire way out bc she wanted to dance!

so i tell you all that to give you insight into my child. she is crazy, fearless, wants to be the center of attention, most things are all about her. for the most part i love this about her. but it has started to manifest itself into a disipline problem.

all of those things i love about her are also driving me crazy when it comes to listening and being obeidient.

we had a bad day yesterday. after school she wanted a candy. i told her 2 candies or no candies. she tried to sneak three! we went to meet a friend after work and she wanted to take her shirt off and i told her shirt on or we leave. she then tried to get up and run around so i told her sit down and eat or we will no play with our friends.

then the clincher. we went to the grocery store last night and at first it was cute with her "talking" on her "phone" (my credit card up to her ear) telling grandma that we were not going to go to the park bc mommy wasnt listening. at first it was cute and i also though, hum well at least she hears me!

well then when it came time to actually act on something i said she ws extremely defiant. she had taken some pull ups off the shelf and i told her to put them back. she said no. i said yes. she said dont tell me no mommy. i gave her another chance and then i pulled her pants down in the store and spanked her right on her bare butt.

so my question to you moms is what the heck would you have done? i have always been a parent that did not want to spank, i do not want to count to 3. i want to redirect behavior and take opportunities like that for teaching and learning. but with her on purpose definace and disrespect i am not sure what else to do.

i have the kind of child that was once referred to in a book i am reading about a little girl whose mom told her not to past that fence or she would get spanked and she told her mom, well you better spank me because i am going. thats how bug is. God made her this way and i love it about her. but she cant be disrespectful like this.

what is a good balance!!??

a roseola by any other name

is NOT as sweet.

so my little bug has been sick for a while now.

it all started last thursday night. she just was not herself and had a rough night. i assumed it was her teeth bc i can see a molar coming in. well friday same thing. not my usual sweet CRAZY all over the place bug. we went outside bc my mom has a pool. what did bug do? she sat in my lap and ate ice chips. in hindsight i see that was bc her fever had spiked and she was hot and thirsty. so after she just was not into being outside and all she did was sit in my lap ~ keep in mind she is usually all over the place and we have to chase her down to keep her contained ~ we went inside. i took her temp bc she was really hot. i thought it was again just teeth and would prob only be 99 or so. well it was 101 ish. so i gave her some motrin and didnt think anything else of it.


later that night on the way home from moms, (she lives about an hour away) bug didnt go to sleep. she kept moaning from the back seat. usually at 8pm at night in the car is a guaranteed out like a light scenario. so when i got her home i took her temp again and it was 104.5! i pulled the termometer out at 104.5 and called the Dr. it may have even been higher!

so we went to the hospital to make sure all was well. as a new mom with a baby that has not been sick a lot especially with fevers i sort of freaked out at that number. (these 2 pics are how she looked all weekend, so pitiful)

anyway we were at the hospital for 2 hours. they gave her a huge syringe of tylenol. waited 40 mins, took her temp. still 104, gave her motrin, waited 40 mins. her fever finally broke, we went home. they couldnt find a cause for the fever. she was clean in all her parts and no strep came back from her test.

we watched her all weekend and the last time she had a fever was sat night.

well...last night we get home and she has this:

click to see details








poor little bug has roseola. which is not a huge deal but looks exactly like measles. and since there is a measles outbreak i sort of thought that might be it.

but it isnt. she is ok. but if you are a new mom and your baby has a really high fever and then breaks out in a rash after the fever stops then you should know (and it might save you $100+ on hospital visits and co pays) that it is probably roseola.

car seat ~ new rules

so tonight in my parent magazine i came across a blurb that made me smile. so i am not crazy after all. you see mags has been riding rear facing in her car seat since she was a wee babe and still rides rear facing even though she is over 20 lbs and is 14 months old. i read a long time ago that extended rear facing is safer for your child. there is more support for her little neck if we crash. i have heard it described that their heads are like a melon on a popcicle stick in an accident.

tonight i read that there is in fact new research out there confirming this. it is now recommended that your child stay rear facing until they reach the seats height and weight limits for the convertable car seat. this is usually 36 inches tall and 30-35 lbs. (depending on your seat of course, ours is 50 lbs)

i cant find any links on the web for this new research but i do have the following you can link to that mentions these new recommendations and will cover all the what ifs. what if my child wants to face forward, wont his/her legs break if we have an accident etc.

anyway i just wanted to share :)