Tuesday, October 16, 2007
update from the mom
so after 7 months of struggling with what do about this and that when it comes to mags and how to raise her and what is the best way to do this or that i finally came across a type of parenting that explains what i am feeling and why i have not been able to find peace when it came to things like letting mags cry it out at night, why i let her sleep with me, why i feed her when she wakes up at night, why i want to keep nursing her if i can or at least pump my milk for her and the list goes on and on.....
here is a description of what i have found that describes what it is i want to do and how i want to raise my child :)
Children, of this type of parenting, who have their needs consistently met as infants grow up secure, confident, loving, and sensitive to others. These children also have the many advantages of extended breastfeeding, including less illness than other children, higher intelligence on average, and less allergies. Co-sleeping has also been associated in some studies with reduced risk of SIDS. Parents also benefit from the confidence and joy of following their instincts rather than continually feeling they have to fight them.
so you may be thinking wont this style of parenting make my child too dependant?
Babies and young children ARE dependent! Infants in particular cannot talk, get their own food, walk, dress themselves, or use the toilet! It is not possible to MAKE a child dependent any more than it is possible to MAKE a child independent. Some parenting philosophies might suggest that you can make a child less dependent by ignoring his cries, putting him on a schedule, leaving him alone at night and so on: the child might learn to do without having these needs met, but the child is not truly independent. He is just making do. Similarly, by meeting a child's needs, and allowing a child to be dependent early on, there is actually evidence to suggest that the child will be able to develop confidence, security, and a true sense of independence when ready.
am i spoiling mags?
An infant's needs and desires are one and the same, but of course, as a child grows, he will sometimes want things which he does not necessarily need. It is up to the parents to teach the child that sometimes he has to wait for something, and sometimes he cannot have what he wants. It is also the parents' job to help the child come to terms with the inevitable disappointment and frustration which ensues.
what about discipline?
Whereas mainstream discipline is often punitive, even including physical punishment, Attachment Parenting discipline is based on a foundation of a solid knowledge of the child, a respect for her feelings, and a gentle teaching of life's important lessons. AP discipline is in some ways easier than mainstream discipline because the AP style greatly assists in setting up a wonderful relationship of trust between children and their parents. Parents and children know each other so well and develop a sensitivity to one another which facilitates honest and respectful interactions. Having said that, AP discipline can also be more effort on the part of the parents. Really taking the time to talk through issues or to stay and comfort a child during a tantrum takes more time and effort than a quick slap on the bottom. It does, however, have amazing rewards for both parents and children.
so that is where we are in a nut shell. i have finally found peace and i am grateful for that.